move

We arrived in Richmond in July of 2013 full of excitement and awe at how God had orchestrated this move for our family. Kyle was working a dream job, with a dream organization, in a dream location. 

We immediately fell in love with Richmond and the surrounding area. We felt at home, and the kids had no problems adjusting to our new life. 

Just a few short months after our move, we found ourselves in the home of dear friends in Atlanta signing our name on their calendar with a Sharpie stating that we would never move again. (evidently 6 houses in 3 states in 14 years isn't the norm) We had found exactly where God wanted us to be. This was our sweet spot, and we could not have been happier. 

Over the next 2.5 years, we fell even more in love with our city, our neighborhood, our church, and the community of people we had found. Kyle loved his job and knew this was exactly where God wanted him. We planned to be here forever. Our grandchildren would come to this house to visit. Lucas was picking out surrounding colleges to start looking into. Life was good.

But our plans were interrupted in January of this year. With no warning, Kyle's entire communications department of 30 people was eliminated. In the span of an hour, our plans came to a screeching halt.

Suddenly, Kyle was cast into the job search market. Sure, he had done this before. But every other time had been his (our) decision. While we looked desperately for job opportunities in Richmond, we soon realized that all of his active job possibilities were out of the area. Far out of the area. As in "too Many hours away to commute" out of the area.  It became clear that we would most likely have to move. Again, we're no strangers to moving. But, again, every other time this had been our decision. This time it felt forced upon us, and that didn't seem fair or right.

The last several months have been filled with times of anger, grief, anxiety, and confusion. Why did this happen? Why was this decision made? We questioned leadership's wisdom. We fought against bitterness. We have cried. We have screamed. We have sat by our kids' beds many hours trying to console them while they grieved leaving a church, school, and close friends they love. I would love to say this season has been handled with much grace, but if I'm honest, I have to say that although there have been moments we were filled with much grace, there have also been moments that were handled straight out of the flesh and broken places in our hearts. Yet, God has been faithful to meet us in those moments.

Kyle was blessed with many interviews at a variety of places. We were thankful for the options but prayed constantly that God would take every job opportunity away except one, so that it would be clear that was the way we should go. And He answered. In April, Kyle accepted a job with Lifeway Christian Resources in Nashville, TN. 

Initially, there was not a whole lot of excitement from me. While I was incredibly grateful to see God provide for us (it had been 4 very long months of job searching), I was still reeling from MY plans and MY dreams being shaken. I fought against this move with every fiber of my being.

Until I picked up the book Girl Meets Change and read this:

"....and even though I didn't feel ready to accept this change, I could acknowledge that God's hand was in this move. Oh, I could also still acknowledge that this move was incredibly hard. ...... I told the kids it was okay and normal to be sad for a while. But it was also okay to keep biblical truth tucked inside our hearts as well, truth that said God directed the next place we were to live, not Uncle Sam. Truth that said if God wants our family somewhere else, it's for our ultimate best. Truth that said while I felt miserable today because of this move, his promise held hope I wouldn't feel miserable forever."

I read that with tears streaming down my face and knew God was speaking those words directly to me. He had everything under control, and though I didn't - and still don't - understand, I could trust Him.

The light at the end of the tunnel is just now beginning to peek through. God is working in our family, and hope is starting to take root. In two weeks, our family will load up and drive the long drive to Hendersonville, TN to start a new season of our life. There will probably be tears, and a little bit of feeling miserable. BUT, we will hold on tightly to the truth that God is sovereign and works everything for our good and His glory.

There are good things in store. Look out Nashville, here we come!

Dear Noah, 

Fourteen years ago, you surprised us by entering the world 6 weeks early. Time has flown by and you have gone from the tiniest baby I've ever seen to a young man who is taller than me. You continue to amaze us with your insight, your witty humor, and your passion for truth. You have always been content to stay in the background, and I admit, sometimes you get overlooked. Your quiet nature and love for alone time don't give you the edge at being noticed in this crazy house full of people. But when you decide to talk, I stop and listen because it's probably something profound - or it's going to send me on a wild chase to find the answer to a question I never even would have thought to ask. 

At 14, you love all things technology related. Your biggest love right now is computer programming. You have taught yourself Java - and some other things I didn't even know existed. You are very interested in how and why things work the way they do. I cannot ever answer your questions and feel like I repeat "google it" hundreds of times a day. 

You have taken up learning Swedish. I'm not exactly sure how this love for all things Nordic came about. Maybe it has something to do with the few many trips we've made to IKEA? You tell me that one day you want to live there (Sweden. Not IKEA.) - which I give you my full blessing to do because if I've got to travel to see you a few times a year, it might as well be a place like Sweden!

Noah, you have overcome more than anyone will ever know. I won't go into details here, because it's your story to share with the world, but this year has been a challenge for you. However, we have watched God prove his faithfulness and power in your life over and over. Remember, son, when you think back to these things, that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and loved completely. By your parents, of course, but by God even more. He has such amazing plans for you. Your dad and I cannot wait to see what those are!

I wasn't going to decorate a cake this year for your birthday. Honestly, I was trying to find the easiest route possible to a birthday cake. Which meant letting Martins take that job off my hands. It was not convenient for me to decorate a cake.  But when I suggested "How about we just run to Martins and see what they've got? Or, let's just do a pie! Or cookies!" The face looking back at me was the baby-faced, big-eyed 3 year old upset that he had fallen off his bike, and I remembered the promise I made to myself that your birthday would never get lost in the shuffle of the Christmas season. That even when it was easiest to do a quick "happy birthday" and the token double gift (this is for birthday AND Christmas) - we would sacrifice the time and effort to make your day special and to celebrate you. So, last night I made you a birthday cake with your specific directions. And I will continue to make you a birthday cake for as long as I'm able and you request it. You, my son, are a delight. You are a gift from God to us and all who know you. Today I celebrate you. 

I love you, Mom

10

Dear Ellie, 

Today you are 10. Double digits. Two whole hands. And although the calendar tells me this is true, my mind cannot grasp it. Because wasn't this just last week?

For 10 years, we have had the most amazing comic relief in our house. God gave you an extra dose of humor, and you have the ability to make us all double over in laughter. You love life and your laughter is contagious.

You love your family. You keep us all on our toes and know exactly which buttons to push for each of of us. But, you love deeply and serve us well. I can always count on you to take care of whoever is sick. You clear our dishes from the table and give mom and dad massages after a long day. And even though you give your brothers grief most days, they would be the first to stand up to anyone who dared to hurt you. 

You're the perfect balance of gentle and rough and tumble. You can be all girl for a while, and then wrestle with the boys - and win! You love horses, fingernail polish, unicorns, superheroes and hockey. If you've been watching My Little Pony, the next thing you'll choose is The Avengers. 

You struggle in school more than most people will ever know. I won't pretend this past year of homeschooling has been rainbows, because we both know that's a mighty big lie. But, we made it through and learned a lot about ourselves (and reading and math and spelling) and what God can do when we finally surrender to what He wants - or maybe that was just my lesson. 

I saw a quote by Shakespeare several years ago when you were younger that said "Though she be but little, she is fierce!" 

Baby girl, that is you. You may not be so little anymore, but that fierceness is there. You can do ANYTHING you put your mind to. You have always found a way to reach whatever goal is in front of you - whether its reaching the diaper cream while inside your crib during naptime or figuring out how to do a back flip, you have always accomplished whatever you decided you would accomplish. I pray you always remember that God is the one who lives in you enabling you to do those things.

Every once in a while, you'll write us a thank-you note that says "Thank you for adopting me." You've got it all wrong, though. You shouldn't be thanking us. We're the ones who are so full of gratitude to God for allowing us to parent you. You have added more laughter and joy to our family than we ever could have imagined. 

10 years old. It's only just the beginning, Ellie. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you.

Happy birthday, my brown-eyed girl.

Love, 

Mama

Jacob takes over the blog

For the past few years, Jacob has been writing. And cooking. He has started and stopped so many "books" I have lost count and reads/watches everything food-related he possibly can. (He cooks very well too, which is a major reason I have begun running again!)  He finished a story for school this morning that combines both of his passions and gave me permission to share it. Enjoy!

Jakob and the Soldiers

    “Here you go, sir,” said Jakob as he handed a Jewish man a perfectly cooked beefstuk. He walked back into the kitchen or, as he called it, his kitchen.

    “Elmo, get down from there! Those cookies aren’t for you!” he said to his younger brother as he laughed. As Elmo finished his unauthorized snack, Jakob heard his mother approaching.

    “Hallo, could you please prepare some stamppot for the Jews?” she asked out of breath from her daily chores.

    “Ja” Jakob replied. 

    The Bakker family always possessed a full pantry of fresh vegetables, fruits, grains, and anything else they needed. They practically ran a restaurant with twenty mouths to feed everyday. In fact, the family decided earlier that year when they began hiding Jews from the Nazis, that if the Germans ever tried to enter their home they would pretend it was a restaurant. Just as Jakob was getting out mashed potatoes for the stamppot, he heard a knock on the heavy front door. 

    “Openstellen!” Jakob could tell who was at the door. He looked over at Elmo.

    “Get the guests upstairs…” he whispered 

    “Openstellen!” said the person at the door again as he banged on it. Elmo started to cry.

   “Tell Mama and Pa. It’ll all be OK. Now, hurry.” Jakob whispered again. This was the moment Jakob had been preparing for for a almost a year. He was ready. Or at least he thought so.

    Mama and Pa came bolting down the stairs as if there had been a fire.

    “Come in!” Mama said kindly just as she had rehearsed. 

They did, and right away Jakob could see it. The Nazi logo. It was right on the soldier’s helmets.

    “Hallo, welcome to Nederlands Restaurant!” said Mama, trying to sell a small dining room as a restaurant.

    “Where are the Jews?” questioned one of the soldiers immediately.

   “What Jews? This is Nederlands Restaurant. We have the best beefstuk in all of the Nederlands” said Mama.

    “Where are the Jews?” the other soldier questioned brutally. 

    “What jews?” Mama asked, convincingly.

    “Well, if this is a restaurant, who is the chef?” asked the second soldier much more calmly.

    “I am.” Jakob spoke up.

This got a roar out of the soldiers. Mama and Pa just stood with straight faces staring at the soldiers.

    “You are lying! A ten..” the first soldier started.

    “Eleven,” corrected Jakob.

    “....year old can not be the chef at a restaurant.” finished the first soldier, unbelievingly eyeing Jakob.

    “I am. Order something,” commanded Jakob.

    “For the both of us, two beefstuk, two stamppot, and two beers. I assume you have that in Nederlands Restaurant,” said the second soldier.

    “Yes sir! It’ll be right up,” said Jakob as he threw a towel onto his shoulder and walked into the kitchen.

    Jakob roughly chopped some andijvie and threw it in a pot with the mashed potatoes. Jakob had always loved this smell even before he was tall enough to see inside the pot.

He then fried a couple of strips of bacon and a few slices of rookworst with an onion. He threw all but the rookworst in the pot with the potatoes. This smell was even better than the last. Finally, to make it creamy and delicious, he added milk and butter.

He then made simple steaks. He seasoned them and then quickly cooked them in a cast iron pan. Dinner was served. Pa brought two bottles of beer into the dining room just as Jakob brought in the beautiful looking plates. Mama sighed, relaxed at the site of the plates.

    “Maybe the boy is a cook,” whispered the first soldier to the second, looking at the plates.

    “Elmo seems quiet,” thought Jakob curiously.

    “Eet smakelijk,” said Mama encouraging them to enjoy their meal.

The first soldier tasted the stamppot. His eyes bulged.

    “This is wonderful!” he exclaimed. The other soldier nudged him. He had just cut into the beefstuk.

    “The beefstuk is raw and bland!” yelled the second soldier.

    “I apologize,” said Jakob, frightened, which was unusual for him. “I’ll make it up to you, free dessert.”

    “If your pudding is good, we’ll be gone,” said the second soldier sternly.

Jakob had been practicing making pudding earlier, and it turned out great. There were leftovers, so all he had to do was put it in bowls. He wished he could remake it, but he used the last of the sugar making it earlier.  He spooned the pudding into bowls and put it in the oven. He prayed it would be good.  After it had reheated he brought the dessert to the soldiers.  They both just stared at it. The second soldier picked up his spoon, as did the first. The second soldier picked up a little bite with his spoon, as did the first. They both tasted it. 

    “This is…” said the second soldier, he paused, “absolutely…” he paused again, “delicious.”

Jakob, Mama, and Pa all smiled at the same time. The first soldier shouted something in german. A third soldier walked down the stairs with someone Jakob knew.  Elmo! The third soldier responded in german. Jakob only knew one word the third soldier said. Boy.

    “He scared me.” said Elmo, hugging Pa’s leg.

Pa wanted to become hostile, but knew that would only provoke the soldiers. Pa spoke german and knew that the Nazis were talking about Elmo.

    “What did you tell them, son?” Pa whispered to Elmo.

    “Nothing, they asked me about the…” he whispered back.

    “Shhhh!” Pa told Elmo.

    “We are leaving. There are no Jews here,” the third soldier said in dutch.

With that, they left. No interrogation, no fights, and best of all no prisons.

Thank you, God. prayed Jakob.

    “Jakob,” said Mama, “go clean up.”

community

I'm an introvert. All I need is a room to myself and a book. And snacks.  And a window. This hermit needs a window so I don't feel trapped.

I fight daily against the tendency to stay at home and speak to no one. Some days I don't win that battle. Oh, I'll talk. My people at home don't allow me to be silent. Beyond answering questions, teaching, and settling arguments, there isn't a whole lot of conversing being done.

But, I've come to realize that the days I spend out of my comfort zone are so much better than when I choose to hide from the world. And rightly so - God didn't create me - or anyone - to live in solitary confinement.

After he made Adam he said "It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him." Gen 2:18

If I keep reading, I see:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecc 4:9-12

Over and over, I am learning that God made us to be part of community. Meaningful relationships are not only healthy, they're also very necessary.

So, I'll continue to push myself past the point of my comfort. I'll talk to the neighbor I don't know. I'll invite others into my home - determined to build deeper relationships. I'll take the time to encourage the mother with a baby on her hip and a toddler struggling to keep in step behind her because I've already walked that road. I'll call that friend that God brings to my mind - even when it means I give up my "me" time.

I can't ignore my introvert side. After all, God created me with that personality. But, at the same time, I'm learning that I cannot use that as an excuse to not be in relationships with those that God has put in my life.

What's God been showing you lately?

2014

Someone told me once "the days go by slowly, but the years fly by." Or something like that. Whatever the exact wording, it's so very true. I'm not sure the rule really goes into effect until you're older than 30, but it seems every year about this time I stop and think "Well. That was fast."

This year has found us venturing into the beautiful, broken world of foster care, walking with my dad through his cancer diagnosis, changing school situations and churches, falling more in love with our city and neighborhood, and increasing the total number of teenagers in our home from one to two. 

2014 has definitely been a roller coaster. We've seen God work in our family, in other families, in our city, and in other nations in great ways. We've also had moments of begging Him to break the silence and show us His glory. We've questioned circumstances and celebrated victories. We've watched our kids grow in their knowledge of the gospel and tried our best to guide them through deep anxiety and doubts. While Kyle and I celebrated 15 years of marriage this year, we've also had to cry out to Him to unite us and heal broken places in our marriage.

I love taking time to look back. God often tells us in scripture to not forget what He has done. I want to be reminded of how He has worked and be able to tell my children what God has done. Looking back reminds me of His goodness.

I'm not as good at looking forward. Thinking about the future can fill me with worry and fear unless I remember that my God is sovereign.  I desire to be the woman who "laughs without fear of the future."  So I'm anticipating 2015 and whatever is ahead because I know that whatever God has planned is for His glory.

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." - Psalm 126:3

The kids were thrilled with our first winter in VA! Lots of snows days. 

homeschool day at the capitol

Williamsburg

Jamestown

We've been working on the house since we moved in. The half-bath/laundry room was my winter project.

Tired of fighting with blogger to rotate this picture. Ellie finished 2nd grade at Watkins Elementary in June and started 3rd grade at home this year.

We took Kyle's brother and sis-in-law to DC in the spring.

Busch Gardens

Another picture that won't rotate. This is a picture our oldest foster daughter drew of her new "family." Foster care is definitely not for the faint-of-heart.

We spent the 4th of July at Kyle's parents' beach house. Ellie was a little melancholy that day. 

Jacob and I got to spend part of the 4th at urgent care with a badly infected elbow wound (from falling off his scooter).

We've watched this boy grow into an over 6 foot tall 14 year old this year!

First day of 9th, 7th, 6th, and 3rd grades

The boys and I at a Richmond Flying Squirrels baseball game

Merry Christmas from the Brogdons!

homeschool

Ellie has struggled with learning since she was a toddler. At age two, we had a speech therapist and an early childhood specialist in our home twice a week to work with her, in addition to everything we did on a daily basis. She went to preschool at ages 3 and 4, but when the time came for her to enter kindergarten, we decided to keep her at home an extra year. Surely, with an extra year to mature and do preschool work at home, she'd be ready for school.

The following year, we paused our homeschool journey to attend a private school. During this year, it became apparent that something more than just immaturity was going on. She was tested and received the diagnosis of "specific learning disability." The next two years, for first and second grade, she attended public school where she was eligible for special services. 

Last year, in the most wonderful school I've ever been a part of, with incredibly kind, supportive, competent teachers, I was told she did not meet our district's "learning disability" qualifications, and they would need to pull all services she had been receiving. Sitting at a conference table with teachers, special education specialists, school psychologists, social workers, and administrators, I heard each one express how concerned they were that Ellie would not succeed without these services in place. However, they were insistent that their hands were tied and there was nothing they could offer her.

They were correct. Ellie did not succeed. It was an uphill battle for the last half of the year. After much prayer, discussion, and uncertainty, we decided to bring her home this year. 

We are four weeks into school and I can say, without a doubt, that this is the most frustrating thing I have ever done. There have been many tears shed from both of us multiple times a day. She takes two baby steps forward and then 50 leaps backward.

I told a friend the other day how exceedingly hard this is. She said "What if Ellie coming home wasn't just for you to teach Ellie? What if God brought her home to teach you something?"

And I burst into tears. Partly because I'm almost 40 years old and the hormones are definitely not balanced. But mostly because she had just spoken TRUTH into my life.

God brought Ellie home. Not me. Not Kyle. And not the school system. And I can tell you with utmost certainty that while it is very good for Ellie, it is mostly for my good. You see,  the very ugly truth is that I am a sinful, selfish person.  I work best when everything goes according to my plan. I lose patience with people who don't keep in line with my expectations. I react out of anger when my plans fail, and I'm just generally not a nice person.  I have to ask forgiveness daily for telling God what I have planned and expecting Him to get on the same page.

Homeschooling Ellie forces me to cry out to God to show me His plans,  because mine? They don't even come close to succeeding. There is no way I can parent or homeschool this beautiful, creative, energetic, passionate daughter of mine on my own. I forget that multiple times an hour, but I'm so grateful I have a God who offers grace no matter how many times I fail.

Maybe by May, I'll have it all figured out.

But probably not.