13

Dear 13 year old son,

So today hasn't been such a great day. You think I'm much too strict, too nosy, and too overprotective. I tell you what you can't eat, can't wear, and can't watch on television. I monitor the websites you go to and put filters on anything that even has a chance of connecting to the internet. 

I even banned the trick you came up with on the trampoline. That definitely didn't make me your friend. You stomped up the stairs mumbling under your breath. And I'm fairly certain it wasn't to rise up and call me blessed.

What I want you to know, son, is that your Dad and I?  We aren't the fun police, contrary to the rumors you hear. We aren't here to make your life a prison sentence that terminates when you turn 18. We aren't even here to be your best friend. (WHAT?!?!)

One day, I'm guessing, you're going to see the reason behind it all. You may never tell us, but I guarantee at some point you'll find yourself saying "I get it." 

Until that day please know that we set boundaries because we've seen the world out there that fights for your heart and mind and allegiances. We know what can happen if you eat pizza and hot dogs every meal for 10 years. We also know that you honestly believe you're invincible. We have rules and limits in place for you to protect you. God has given us this amazing responsibility to parent you. With His direction, we do what we do. 

We are crazy about you.

Love, 

Mom

If you give a girl some paper

If your 8 year old daughter has severe ear pain on a Saturday, you might just take her to the after-hours clinic. And while being examined, the doctor may comment on the amount of wax in said daughter's ear. This will probably lead to an hour long session of "let's see if we can get this hardened, packed wax out of her ear so I can see her eardrum." The doctor may even ask multiple times "Are you aboslutely, positively sure you haven't stuck anything in your ear???" After over an hour in the exam room, the doctor will prescribe an antibiotic even though she still can't see the eardrum.

After ten days on antitbiotic, you will take your daughter to her regular pediatrician for a follow-up visit. While looking in her ear, the doctor may comment on the amount of wax in little girl's ear. This will again lead to a few minutes of trying to remove the hardened wax. Once again, you might hear the doctor ask "Is she sure she hasn't stuck anything in her ear?" And you will probably feel like you are experiencing dejavu. Eight year old daughter will answer that she is absolutely, positively sure she has put nothing in her ear. Ever. Never, ever, ever. Until the doctor leaves the room. Then your daughter might say, "Well......maybe, I think, I did put something in there. Hey - that's why I can't hear!!" And after an intense interrogation, you will discover that the 8 year old did indeed stick a piece of paper in her ear. She will probably have no idea when she did this or where or what kind of paper it was or how it got so far into her ear canal. Leading you to wonder if she has suffered amnesia at some point.

The doctor will smile knowingly and begin to tell your daughter how big and brave she is for telling the truth and call her a truth hero. All the while you will be smiling on the outside, but inside you will be screaming "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD, CAN WE NOT MAKE HER OUT TO BE A SUPERSTAR? SHE IS EIGHT YEARS OLD AND STUFFED PAPER IN HER EAR!"

While the doctor attempts to remove the paper from her ear, your daughter will have a nosebleed. Not a quick little drop of blood that is easily cleaned up, but one of the most intense, gushing nosebleeds ever. The nurse will feel extremely sorry for her and offer her hot chocolate, crackers, stickers and Hello Kitty coloring sheets.

Finally, the pediatrician will tell you she cannot rescue the paper and send you to the ENT on the other side of town. On your way to the ENT, your daughter might just smile and proclaim this the "best day ever" because she isn't in school and now has approximately 5.2 billion stickers. You should probably know that this will not make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Once at the ENT, the doctor will see that little girl has had a nosebleed and question you as to why she's never been brought in before now to remedy this. You will stare at him and not answer. After looking in your daughter's ear and confirming what everyone else already knows, he will proceed to numb her nose in preparation for cauterizing the blood vessels. Next, he will finally retrieve three relatively large pieces of disintegrating paper from your daughter's ear. You may think to yourself that you should take a picture to document this moment, but you'll be quickly rushed off to begin phase two of the appointment and never have a chance.

The ENT doctor will cauterize your daughter's nose and then may even tell her to "take it easy for a few days." When she hears this, little girl will turn to you and grin. You will not feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

On the way home, your daughter will ask if she can get in her pajamas and watch movies the rest of the day. You will concede because it is now well into the afternoon, and you need time to sit and process the fact that, once again, your eight year old daughter wins the award for doing something her older brothers would never dare to do.

At the end of the day you may finally crack a smile and slightly laugh to yourself as you write your next blog post in your head. However, you will definitely fall to sleep dreaming of the medical bills you have yet to see - all because of a little piece of paper.