The Asperger's Road

Ten years ago I wrote this blog post. 

And 3 years ago, this one.

You would think by now, I would have learned the lessons God has been teaching me all these years.

But you would be wrong.

If I'm being honest, the diagnosis of Noah's Asperger's broke me. I did not want to think about my then seven year old being anything but "normal." There were too many dreams I had for him. And Asperger's didn't fit into any of those plans. I was a bit angry, and I let God know it.

How was he supposed to do all the things "normal" kids do when I was being told he'd much rather stay in his own little world. How was he going to play sports, like other boys, when most Asperger's kids want nothing to do with athletics? How was he going to change the world when he most likely wouldn't want to leave the confines of his own home?

I was determined that Asperger's would not defeat Noah. Or me. 

We took one day at a time. Some days were better than others. We dealt with routines, obsessions, behaviors, social cues. Things like greeting someone, answering the telephone, and listening to other people's concerns didn't come naturally to him. But, they weren't things he couldn't learn. So, we taught these skills and a whole lot more.

Little by little, God began to break me. He revealed the pride in my heart. The ugliness of comparing my son - this gift I was given - to others. Wanting the picture-perfect child to show off to the world. He reminded me that Noah is "fearfully and wonderfully made." And I began, supernaturally, to let go of those dreams I had for my son and look forward to seeing God's plans for him unfold. I accepted him for the amazing child he was, instead of wishing for different circumstances.

We've walked down this road for five years now. Sometimes, it's still a struggle. Watching my middle-school aged child relate better to younger children can leave me in tears. Watching the reactions on the faces of kids his age when Noah talks about not-so-normal things - breaks my heart into pieces.  Sleepless nights due to a newborn are expected. By the time your child is in 6th grade? You just expect those issues to be gone. But they're not over in this house yet.

Then there are those moments when I look at him and see his pure heart. His innocence. His brilliance, creativity, and insight into things of God. He'll go through his routine of telling me "Good night. I love you. I love you." and blinking his eyes twice before bed, and I'll smile. He'll pray the same prayer at bedtime that he's prayed the past 2,000 nights - and I'll hear his 2,000th request for a woman in Thailand, who has believed a lie, to hear truth - and I know that God is smiling, too. 

Through it all, God reminds me that Noah is His child, and He loves him more than I ever will. His plans for him are far more amazing than mine could ever be.

Noah may not ever change the world, but he has definitely changed mine. 

A couple of months ago, I was introduced to singer/songwriter Andy Gullahorn at a concert at our church. He wrote a song for a friend whose son had been diagnosed with Asperger's. Kyle and I both sat and listened and were taken back in time to all those emotions. Here it is. (Even though it's called Sleeping Sound - and Noah is not usually doing that. :))

The Brogdons visit Mount Vernon

Well, my friends, 31 days has come and gone. I did not manage to write all 31 days. BUT, I did post more for the month of October than ever before. Gotta start somewhere.

The kids and I took off Saturday and headed to Mount Vernon to visit George Washington's home. The weather was perfect, the fall leaves were at peak color, and the kids were all happy. Those three things may never happen again simultaneously, so I took lots of pictures to document it.

 It was homeschool day at Mt. Vernon (which is why we were there), so we were surrounded by families with children who were reciting facts about Washington's life and quoting his writings. My boys just kept wondering when we would see his dentures like the brochure promised. Ellie kept asking whose house we were at and why was it so old.

However, our shining moment took place in the museum. Lucas had gotten too hot inside and had taken off his hoodie. My suggestion of tying it around his waste was met with a sigh, a stare, and a "I'll just carry it." Obviously, I have no idea what is cool and should just put my shawl back on, grab my cane, and keep on walking.

Anyway, since it was not anchored to his body, my ADHD son started swinging his hoodie around while we were walking. I reminded him several times that this was not a smart decision. Eventually, I got tired of repeating myself and, since I refused to carry the hoodie for him, I began to ignore all the extraneous movement.

We stopped to look at a display of George Washington - as a wax figure. The kids were admiring how life-like it was when suddenly an extremely loud alarm sounded and lights began flashing. My kids looked at me panic-stricken, and I immediately began looking for the nearest exit. That's when I noticed that everyone seemed to be looking at us. And, out of the corner of my eye, I saw people walking in our direction.

Then it hit me. We had been standing very close to the low railing of this exhibit. Lucas had been swinging his hoodie around in front of him. He must have crossed the barrier and set off the alarm!

I managed to stay calm and not raise my voice. This was an especially winning moment for me because what I really wanted to do was snatch Lucas by the ear (if I could reach it) and say "Do you see what you've done? You didn't listen to me and now you've set off this alarm. We'll be lucky if they ever let us come back or enter any national monument or museum again. I'm sure the President already knows what is happening and every major news network will be covering this by evening."

Clearly, I do not ever overreact.

Chaos only reigned for a moment. The alarm stopped and everyone went back to their business. Lucas was only slightly scarred. Evidently not enough to stop swinging his hoodie around for the rest of our time there, but for a moment I could tell he was a little amused embarrassed.

We made it back without being arrested or fined for setting off alarms. The kids really did enjoy the day. The scenery itself was worth the ticket price - the history was just a bonus. I highly recommend it to anyone traveling in the DC area.

Just be sure when you're at the wax statue of young George, do not cross that barrier. He's obviously securely guarded.

videos, missing pictures, and awesome books

Y'all.  I'm so sorry that this 31 days of blogging has turned to hit-or-miss-whenever-Rebecca-gets-her-act-together days of blogging.

I'm still beating my personal record, though, so it's not all bad.

You know what's truly bad? Blogger still hates me and every video I've made in the past 4 days. I cannot for the life of me get any video to upload. So, even though I do have video of Ellie and the boys talking about adoption, I can't get it to post.

You know what's even worse? In the process of importing over 300 photos of everything from a family trip to DC to soccer games to a photo shoot Kyle did with the kids this weekend, something happened and they all disappeared. Poof! They're gone. 

So in the best interest of myself and to save you from a incoherent blog post due to my temporary insanity, I'm going to make this short.

This book?

If you have adopted, are in the process of adopting, are thinking of adopting, know someone who has adopted, or even just like the word "adopted" do yourself a favor and get your hands on a copy of this. Then lock yourself away from the world for a little while and read it. Trust me. It'll do you good.

Good news/bad news

The good news: I finally got the boys to cooperate and answer some questions on video. They had some great insights into what they remember and how they perceive adoption. Ellie got in on the action with her own video, too.

The bad news: Blogger hates me and refuses to upload my video. Okay, not really. But, I cannot get any videos to upload this morning. Should that change and Blogger decide to make friends again, I will update this page.

Until then - I leave you with this picture. Early days with Ellie were quite an adventure. Never knew what she'd look like after naptime. On this day, she climbed out of her crib to explore and discovered Desitin. She also decided her dress was not good enough and needed an extra touch of a pajama shirt.

big brothers

My plan was to post a video today of my boys talking about our adoption experience. However, when I pulled out my phone to actually do the video, the oldest acted like he was having coughing spasms, the middle one sat and stared at the wall, and the youngest hid his face like he was in the witness protection program and couldn't be seen. 

I will have victory, though, and there will be a video soon. Even if I have to bribe them with frozen yogurt.

Our trip home from the airport with Ellie was brutal. We lived about 30-40 minutes from the Atlanta airport (on a good traffic day, which is actually never in Atlanta). We loaded everyone in the van, all four of them still in booster or car seats. Ellie wasn't very fond of her seat, but I was sure that with Lucas' backseat entertainment, she'd be fine. I was very wrong. She screamed louder than any 3 month old I've ever heard. Shrieks of sheer terror, which made the boys not so happy with this new little sister. A few minutes into the drive, Kyle realized he had gone the wrong way, and we would now have to travel all the way around the city on I-285 (all you Atlanta people know exactly what I'm talking about!). This more than doubled our drive home. 

Ellie cried the entire. way. home.  I realized about halfway through the drive that she had never been in a car seat. Ever. They just weren't used in most of Guatemala, so babies were just held or carried in slings on taxis, buses, the back of motorcycles..... In fact, she had never been in anything that required her to be buckled in. And this baby was a fan of being free to move. Being buckled in was not her style. That should've been our first clue that eight years later, she'd still be moving constantly, and still HATE being buckled in!

Once home, the boys crowded around Kyle and "helped" feed her. They were smitten. They wanted to hold her, feed her, and bring her toys. They were immediately protective of their baby sister and bonded very quickly with her. 

In the days to come, she learned how much fun these boys were. She would light up when one of them walked in the room. They made her giggle and loved to entertain her. Jacob was only two, so we definitely had to keep an eye on him. He and Ellie quickly earned the nickname of "double trouble" after she learned to walk. 

People have often asked "how have your biological children dealt with having an adopted sister?" The answer is that they haven't "dealt" with it. There isn't really anything to deal with. As far as they are concerned there is no difference. She is their sister - no matter where she was born or how she came into our family. 

Only God could give my boys and Ellie such an immediate and lasting bond. Is everything always smiles and rainbows? Definitely not! But they love each other fiercely. I can't wait to see how their relationships deepen as they grow. And I pray that their experience with adoption will be a testimony to them of God's sovereignty and love for His children.

Here's hoping I have cooperative boys today and can get that video for tomorrow!

In the meantime, here are the boys helping Kyle feed Ellie a few minutes after we got home.

Welcome home!

To celebrate the fact that we were finally going home, I ordered room service for dinner. Authentic Guatemalan goodness. I can't remember what exactly was on my plate, but I think cardboard covered in ketchup would've been just fine with me that night. I do remember that, for the price, it should've come with a side of pure gold. 

The next day, we received Ellie's visa and I had to raise my right hand and swear that everything I had told them was true. That was it. No confetti, no congratulations from the embassy worker, no high fives. Just a "you're done" and a call for the next number in line. 

But inside, I was shouting with joy. Even though our process had been incredibly short compared to most, and our outcome was amazing, the past two weeks had been more than I was prepared for. I finally saw the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

I packed our things that night. Ellie slept soundly most of the night, but I didn't sleep much at all. Isn't that the way it goes?

We flew home the next day. My first experience flying with a baby. We managed to have an entire row to ourselves, so I spread out bottles, diapers, and blankets and made myself at home. There were a few other families flying home on our flight as well, and the flight attendants seemed very well versed in baby needs. Ellie did great. She slept most of the way and just before we arrived, I made sure to change her clothes for her big debut. A girl needs to be well-dressed (and free of spit up) when meeting important people. 

We made it into Atlanta at rush hour on a Friday evening.  I cried as our plane landed and whispered to Ellie "Welcome home!"

And here's where I need to mention that I didn't have a stroller or baby sling with me. Kyle had called Delta and requested there be one waiting at the gate for me. However, there was nothing when I arrived. I was too impatient to wait and figured how bad could it possibly be to just carry her? So off we went through the airport.

If you've ever come into Atlanta from out of the country, you know what's involved. Add to that a couple more stops through immigration and you have a very. long. process. I walked the length of the airport with a not-quite 3 month old in my arms, a carry-on bag on my shoulder, and pulling a large suitcase. I was finally able to drop our luggage off in another spot where it was sent to its final destination for pick-up.

(Note: When we came in from Guatemala last year, this process had changed and we only picked up our luggage once!) 

We stopped at customs and immigration and eventually, somehow, miraculously made it up the escalator where throngs of people were waiting. Through them all I spotted three excited little boys holding a bright pink sign that said "Welcome home, Ellie and Mommy" 

I cried again.

It was over. She was home. God had surely been with us, and His fingerprints were all over our journey. We strongly believe that before the creation of the world, God planned for Ellie to be part of our family. Before we even knew that adoption would touch our lives, He had already planned for us to parent this beautiful child. 

Adoption is such a picture of the gospel, of our adoption into God's family.  Galations 4:5 says that "God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children."

“It’s important to realize, then, that we adopt not because we are rescuers. No, we adopt 
because we are rescued. And in this way, the gospel uniquely portrays, compels, and ultimately sustains adoption." - David Platt

These are horrible pictures (of pictures) and, sadly, the only two pictures we have from our arrival. It was a bit chaotic getting out of the airport with four children under 5 years old and all of our extended family.

Ce-le-brate good times, come on!

I had every intention of loading pictures of the time we spent in Antigua onto my laptop this weekend. But instead, we enjoyed the fall weather and worked in the yard. I'll let you decide which of those two was more enjoyable.

Although I don't have any pictures here to prove this, trust me that Antigua is one of the most beautiful places. It's an old city with cobblestone streets, quaint shops and restaurants alongside authentic markets. It would have been an amazing weekend had we not had this cloud of uncertainty hanging over us.

Without knowing where the missing form was, we had no date of travel. We could be there another week, another month or another year for all we knew. I was an emotional wreck. Torn between this new little one that I did not want to leave again and home - where three little boys missed Mom and Dad.

We decided that on Sunday, I would head back to Guatemala City, and Kyle would fly back to Atlanta. I would stay with Ellie, and we would pray that everything would be wrapped up quickly.

I spent Sunday and Monday of that week walking in circles of the hotel. Ellie and I would sit by the pool a while, wander through the few gift shops, do some laps in the courtyard, and go back to the room for naps. Sounds like a great vacation, right? Except for the part where I was all alone, in a country where I could communicate very little, not able to leave the safety of our hotel, and with a very fussy 2 month old.

I needed a better attitude. A change in perspective to get me out of my pity party. I walked the hotel praying and crying out to God to come through for us. My attitude didn't change instantly. I still desperately wanted to be home with my family. But peace slowly began to remove all the fear and worry, and I was able to sleep. Well, okay, maybe not that last part. But, had Ellie slept through the night, I surely could have as well.

On Monday afternoon, I received news that the infamous "pink slip" should be issued the next day. This was not expected by anyone involved with our case, so what a testimony to our God! Tuesday morning, we were given that fabulous piece of pink paper. However, now we had a new obstacle in our way. A new system had begun on Monday of that week mandating appointment times for the embassy to get baby's visa. Prior to this, as soon as pink was issued, the visa could be given the next day. Under the new system, however, it was taking as long as 1-2 weeks for an embassy appointment. 

Our agency director in Guatemala came with me to pick up our "pink slip." After 30 minutes of pleading, the embassy finally allowed us to be grandfathered in under the old system and receive Ellie's visa the next day. This meant we could go home on Friday! God had come through for us yet again. There was no other way to explain what had happened since Sunday. In a situation where we had been told there was no way we'd be home before two weeks at the earliest, God had made a way for us to be home within a week. 

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."     Ephesians 3:20-21

throwback Thursday

I was trying to get an old video uploaded, but looks like that's not working tonight. So, instead, enjoy an old blog post from the end of my stay in Guatemala. Kinda spoils the end of the story, but I guess it's fairly obvious that at some point she did get to come home. :)

9/28/05
Ellie and I went to the US Embassy with our agency rep this morning. We breezed through in a little less than 2 hours and she was approved for her visa. We will get the visa about 5:00 tomorrow and then on to Atlanta on Friday. I still can't believe that she actually gets to come home with me!

After talking with our agency director, I see God's hand in our entire adoption. Ellie's case has gone quicker than anyone's that they've done. As our case progressed, it seemed that all of a sudden things would happen more quickly than they had been happening. For example, to enter the Guatemalan equivalent of "DFACS" (family services), you have to have pre-approval from the US Embassy. That usually takes about 7-8 weeks from the time the DNA testing is done. However, for a small window of about a month, they were getting these out within 4 weeks. Ours was in that window of time. It is now back to 7-8 weeks.

Just little things like that that others may see as "luck" I see as God's hand on our case all the way through. Then, with the events of this week, I can see God orchestrating everything.

Yesterday I read a verse that I know very well, but it took on a whole new meaning for me....Romans 8:28

"And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him"

It sure doesn't promise that everything will be easy, but He does promise that He will take all the good and all the bad and make it into something good.

That something good is coming home with me on Friday.

And all I can do is say Thank you, Lord.

slumber party in my room

I'm hoping I can put a few coherent sentences together this morning. Two children decided their bedrooms were much to scary to sleep in so they made their way into the safe house of my room in the middle of the night. And they can't use their ninja-like skills and lay a sleeping bag on the floor. No. That would be much too easy. They have to wake me up (me. Not dad.) and tell me that they are coming into my room to sleep. Then there is an Oscar winning production of making the sleeping bag lie just-so and re-doing it until it's perfect. And, just when I think it's over, the snoring and teeth grinding and talking-in-their-sleep begins.

Then, the cat realized there was a slumber party going on and - well - let's just say that bell on his collar? It shall be no more as of today.

So, it's no wonder that  in this comfortable, peaceful state I could sleep so well   my brain decided to think about everything from my to-do list to how Congress could solve the nation's problems. (Really. I figured it all out! Maybe I should head to DC today!)

If you read through all that, I apologize. Seems I'm a bit touchy about my lack of sleep last night.

So - back to Ellie.

Ellie and I spent the first evening getting to know other adopting families in our hotel. We had a common bond that drew us to each other, and, even though we had just met, it was like we all instantly connected. It was incredible to hear their stories and meet all the little ones who had new families.

The next day, our agency called with the doctor appointment for Ellie. She had to have one last check-up before being cleared to go home. I called Kyle and we arranged for him to fly down in time for her appointment and stay until we could go home. Which, theoretically, should have been the day or two after that.

Kyle came in, and we all headed to the pediatrician's office. While we were sitting in the waiting room, our agency director came in and knelt down in front of us. She said she had some bad news.

Our "pink slip" - permission to travel home - had not come through. Evidently a form we needed from USCIS (citizenship and immigration services) never arrived. It should have been an easy fix.  However, ours had been filed in the New Orleans office, and since Hurricane Katrina had come through. It was completely shut down. All files were in transit to another office and no one seemed to know where or how to find them.

I was very disappointed, but not too concerned. Yet.

We were told to head to Antigua for the weekend and enjoy the time sight-seeing with our little girl. Surely things would be taken care of by Monday.

So, we arranged a hotel and travel and left for a weekend adventure to one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

sunshine and hair bows

Since I'm sure you've been up all night wondering about the state of the weather here, you'll be relieved to know my ark building has come to an end. The sun finally came out yesterday afternoon, and the kids and I ran outside to enjoy it - afraid it might leave as quickly as it appeared. 

Now that I have set your mind at ease, let me continue the story.

Ellie's foster family was indeed waiting inside the lobby of the hotel. Our agency rep wasn't there yet, but I couldn't wait. I walked up and used my very limited to spanish to talk with Maria and her husband. I didn't ask to hold Ellie yet. They seemed very protective and a little teary about what was going to take place. 

Eventually, though, she placed Ellie in my arms. I couldn't believe how much she had grown. I mean, I knew babies grew. I had three at home who were somehow not babies anymore. But to see her at 5 weeks and now at just shy of 3 months - she was so bright eyed and happy. She had smiles for everyone, but only her foster brothers could make her giggle. Maria tried to tell me about Ellie's routine and personality. I'm sure we were quite the pair trying to communicate without a translator! 

Once our agency rep arrived, however, she translated for us and made sure I didn't have any other questions. Each of Ellie's foster family came and gave her one last cuddle and kiss. There was so much love in that room for this one little girl I couldn't stand it. If only I could bottle it up for her to have for the times in her life she felt alone and not so lovely. God had watched over this child and shown her his amazing love and protection over her already. What a testimony that will be to her as she grows!

We all said our goodbyes, and I took Ellie up to our room. 

(I guess I should mention that the original plan of staying in the apartment in Antigua had been changed. Since our trip should only last a few days, our agency decided it was best to stay at the designated hotel - the Westin - for our trip.)

Here we were. Ellie and I in a hotel room in Guatemala City. My new daughter. This time I wouldn't have to hand her back over, she was coming home with me! It was very surreal. So, I did what any new baby girl mama would do after having three boys. We played dress up with lots of pink clothes and hair accessories! 

Here's Ellie's reaction to it all.

I'm busy building an ark

Listen. I know I said I was blogging for 31 days. But then we had out of town guests for the weekend, and blogging took a back seat to life. Plus, it has rained for the past five days. Seriously, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be able to find time to blog when I'm busy collecting gopher wood for my ark.

Still, here I am to share another piece of our story.

I left for Guatemala on September 19. I remember having an entire exit row to myself after the three hispanic men sitting there were asked to find other seats because they couldn't speak english "in case of emergency." The irony wasn't lost on me, however, that "in case of an emergency" those three spanish speaking men would've been much more help than me. Had that door been opened and the inflatable slide activated, I would've been the first person out of that plane. 

When the plane landed in Guatemala City, it suddenly hit me. I had to make it through the airport and find the hotel shuttle alone. Put me in any airport in the US and I could've found my way anywhere. But this wasn't a US airport. This was the Guatemala City airport and navigating a third world country's airport wasn't on my top 10 list of things I wanted to accomplish.

I finally made it out of the airport, with all my luggage, and fought my way through the throngs of begging children to the hotel shuttle. 

Once on the shuttle, all the emotions of the past few months hit me at once. I spent the whole adoption process trying to stay numb to it all. But, in that shuttle bus, I felt the tears burning my eyes and that familiar lump in my throat and I couldn't hold it back. All the stress, worry, excitement, fear, and joy began to flow, and I'm sure the driver who came in to check on me thought about calling the authorities. 

Fortunately, he didn't. After a few minutes and a harrowing ride (anyone been to a Central American country and wanna give me an "Amen?"), I walked into the hotel lobby where Ellie's foster family was waiting.

Cleared for travel

Throughout August, we waited for news that we were cleared to travel to bring Ellie home. Hurricane Katrina came through at the end of August, wreaking havoc on New Orleans and south Mississippi. Because my parents lived in south Mississippi, the effects of the hurricane, as well as driving gasoline and generators to my family, became top priority for us.

We knew our paperwork had gone into PGN (equivalent to our Attorney General's office). Many times families would be kicked out of PGN for trivial things, such as the doctor signing the medical form with a middle initial, but his letterhead not containing the initial in his name. The issues would have to be corrected, and then everything resubmitted to PGN. Some families' paperwork got lost in the PGN world with no news for months on end. So we understood this part of the process was unpredictable and had no time frame.

A couple of weeks after the hurricane, I was walking through Target and looked at my phone to see that I had several missed calls from our agency. I called back and found out that our paperwork had come out of PGN! We had made it through in 3 weeks with no kick outs! We still had to wait on the "pink slip" which was clearance to travel, but we could see light at the end of the tunnel. God was working on our behalf.

We decided that I would leave on September 19 for the duration of our process. Our agency had a great apartment in Antigua, Guatemala where adopting families could stay. I should be there for a week at the most. Maybe only a few days. Kyle would join me as soon as I had a definite date to travel home.

I packed my bags (and a suitcase for Ellie!) and flew out to Guatemala.

Throwback Thursday

My social media marketing guru husband introduced me to the world of "throwback Thursday" a few months ago. I've been randomly posting old pictures on instagram and using hashtag "tbt" quite a bit lately. So, I decided I'd take it one step further and use Thursdays during this series as a throwback day. Today's post was written while we were in Guatemala picking up Ellie. (Hurricane Katrina had just wreaked havoc on New Orleans, which is where a very important piece of our paperwork puzzle had been living.) It will give you a sneak peek into the unpredictability of the adoption world and a preview of our pick-up story. 

Here it is -

DATE: 09/22/2005 03:51:36 PM

-----

Well, Kyle and I are in Guatemala now. I came down Monday and he came on Wednesday. We thought we'd be going home Saturday. But, as we've found out in the adoption process, nothing can go as planned.

We were supposed to get the infamous "pink slip" yesterday. It's basically permission from the US embassy to pick up the baby. However, as we waited at the embassy doctor for her final check up, we got the news that we didn't receive it. A form that should have been sent from the USCIS office in New Orleans was never sent. So, we went on a wild goose chase this morning trying to track down this office. It's been evacuated and moved to Kentucky and all the files are still "en route." So, it will be at least Monday before anything can be done....meaning the earliest we can come home would be next Saturday. Possibly later.

Of course, as everyone has reminded me, this is the risk that you take when you come down before you get the "pink slip." I guess I just thought it wouldn't happen to us.

We know that nothing is impossible with God, and that, if He chooses, that form could show up without anyone doing anything. So, we're praying that a miracle takes place so we can come home sooner than expected. One of us will be going home on Sunday regardless.......we just have to choose who goes and who stays.

On a brighter note.....Ellie is doing wonderful. She's very happy (most of the time!) and so cute. We still can't believe that she will be home soon.

Here she is. Eliana Elisabeth Brogdon.

Visitation

Yesterday I left off with our referral phone call. I have to go back to that for just a second because you should know I had practiced my reaction to this call during the months of waiting. What else did I have to do? Parent three little boys, you say? Yes, of course! But they went to bed at 7. I still had lots of time left to dig my drama experience out of the crevices of my brain. There would be a gasp. Then an excited “I can’t believe it! She’s finally here. My baby!” Some tears would probably fall, and then I would express my deep gratitude for all our agency had done. If it had only gone as planned. Instead I said something like “Really?” and then asked what her name was before hanging up to go check my email for our referral documents and - most importantly - pictures. It was probably the most awkward referral call our agency director had ever done.

I still struggle to explain what it was like to see her picture for the first time. I could say that I automatically felt a mother-child bond that was too strong to be broken. But I’d be lying. I can tell you, though, that I saw the most beautiful child, and felt incredibly blessed that she was going to be our daughter. 

Our agency encouraged adopting families to visit as much as possible before bringing the baby home in order to bond during the newborn stage. We scheduled a visit for the end of July. I gathered a suitcase of baby clothes and items to use while we were there and to give to her foster mom when we left. Yes, I traveled to Guatemala with an entire suitcase loaded for a baby that wasn’t even with us. 

Our visit trip was incredible. It’s amazing how big she looked in pictures and how tiny she was in person. I remember the foster mom handing her to me and being overwhelmed. Here was this tiny little person looking back at me. Hearing a new voice, probably wondering what was wrong with this pale skinned person who was blubbering all over her pretty dress. Knowing that she was ours was overwhelming - well, not legally ours. Not yet anyway. Leaving the country - or even just the hotel - with her probably would not have gone well with me. But I knew she was mine. 

The week was amazing. Each day, Kyle and I got to know our new daughter a little better. We figured out that she liked to be on the move. Walking around or riding in the stroller was always a hit. She slept on her back with her arms straight up like she was calling a touchdown. We learned quickly that she was not fond of bath time, no matter what her foster mom said, and she never drank more than 2 ounces of a bottle. She could hold her head up like a boss and was incredibly strong, even at five weeks. To this day, I still think she smiled at me one afternoon, although no one was around to witness it.  It was precious time that I’m so grateful we had.

Our time in Guatemala flew by. And the day I had been dreading all week finally arrived. We had to hand her back over to the foster mom and go back to the US. It was like ripping my heart out of my body and giving it to a woman I had only seen one other time. We had to trust her to take care of our little girl, not knowing when we would be able to see her again. More than trusting her, though, I cried out to God to take care of Ellie until we could see her again, knowing that He loved her more than I ever could. I cried an ugly cry all morning. I'm sure Kyle had no idea what to do with me. 

I did recover in time to fly back home. We knew our paperwork was in Guatemala and had begun the process. We were told it was all up to “chance” as to how long it would be before we could bring Ellie home. We knew it wasn’t chance at all, but God’s timing that would determine when she would be part of our family.

Sleeping in the stroller on our visit trip.

The process

We began the adoption process in January 2005. The next few months were a whirlwind of paperwork, fingerprinting, background checks, interviews, house inspections, more paperwork and more interviews. By the time we were done, there was nothing about us that was secret anymore. Our case worker (and the government) knew everything about us. Not that the government didn't already know all about us, but ... I digress.

I could bore you with details about the extreme amount of paperwork and the (sometimes trivial and ridiculous) attention to detail we had to have, but if you've ever completed your own taxes or done anything at the DMV, you've experienced just a small amount of the "paperchase" of the adoption process.

In May, our completed dossier (the entire bundle of paperwork) was sent to our agency, and we waited on clearance from Immigration to adopt a foreign born child. That came a few weeks later, and we were placed on the waiting list for a baby girl. 

I wish I could say the waiting process was easy peasy, but oh! how I'd be lying. Impatient doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. I was obsessed with all things adoption. I spent many-an-hour on our agency's online forum talking with others in the process and watching the referrals roll out. I talked to everyone I saw about adoption and our soon-to-be daughter. 

(At this point I think I need to apologize to every grocery cashier, mailman, librarian, waiter, etc. for my urgent need to tell you all the details of the adoption process and daughter we didn't even know yet. I'm sure I scared you, and I'm sorry. You would be pleased to know that it all worked out, and I'm now a normal functioning adult again. Well, my husband would probably debate that last part, but we'll pretend it's true.)

So, just to reiterate, the waiting was hard. But, on July 6, we got THE call. The one telling us that our baby girl had arrived. Our lives had just changed forever.

The road to adoption

**Evidently, in my head, blogging for 31 days means everyday but Sunday. Sorry for the lack of post yesterday. We got home from a conference in Atlanta Saturday night, so I spent Sunday getting back into the routine of real life.** 

We are often asked how we came to the decision to adopt. I always answer that it wasn't a difficult decision for us. There was no lengthy debate about the pros and cons. We didn’t spend restless nights wondering if this was the right thing to do. It was just the natural next step for us. 

Kyle and I had talked about adopting before we were even married. We knew that adoption would probably be part of our family in some way, but weren't sure how or when this would happen.

Our first son, Lucas was born just 13 months after we got married. Then 15 months later, our little Noah made his early entrance into the world.  17 months after that, Jacob was born. Three c-sections in less than 3 years. Kyle and I both knew we were done having biological children.

Life was full, blessed, busy and exhausting! So, I did what any mother of three little boys under the age of three would do. Approximately 2.8 months after Jacob was born, I began researching adoption! Clearly I was suffering from a severe lack of sleep and mental exhaustion.

The choices were overwhelming, but we had two categories narrowed down. We knew we’d like to adopt a girl (Mama needed some pink in the house!), and we knew where we wanted to adopt from. Kyle and I both had traveled throughout Central America and God had planted a love for the people in our hearts.

Guatemala was the only country that made adoption a relatively easy process. I use the term "easy" loosely. We found out quickly that in the world of adoption, there is no such word.

Video link

I saw this video several months ago and it made such an impact. Thought I'd share it with you this morning. Love this family's heart for adoption!

You've got questions. I've got answers.

Yesterday I posted ten things not to say to an adopting family.  I had several comments and emails asking if we have honestly heard those questions/statements. The answer is YES! Every single one. Some of them multiple times. Plus a few that I just can't bring myself to add to the list. 

Today I'm answering these questions as we take an in depth, serious look at what not to say.

(or maybe not quite so in depth)

(or serious)

1) Is she yours? (or the ever popular - "Are they ALL yours?" suggesting that one of them isn't)

*Nope. I love picking up extra children I find on the streets and bringing them all to the grocery store with me. 

2) Do you keep her?

*Yes. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week.

3) What's she mixed with?

*I'm not sure. Jalepeno maybe. She's awfully spicy.

4) What a beautiful Mexican child!

*Please do not assume that because my child looks hispanic she is from Mexico. Although I'm sure Mexico is a fantastic country, there are indeed many more Spanish speaking, Latin American countries in the world.

5) Does she speak Spanish? (At 4 months old)

*Yes. And next week, we'll be working on her Russian.

6) Where's her Daddy?

*I have no clue. If you see him, let me know!

7) She doesn't look like you!

*Really? Because I totally think she has my eyes.

8) How much did she cost?

*I don't even bother with sarcasm on this question. Please never, ever, ever ask this to any adopting parent. Our babies were not bought. Did we pay legal fees associated with the adoption process? Yes, just as you paid hospital & doctor fees to have biological children. 

9) Will you send her back when she's grown?

*Nope. She didn't come with return postage.

10) Is it hard to love her as much as your own children?

*Not sure what your definition of "own" is - but in our definition, she's included.

So maybe some of these (ok, most of these) I never actually say when people ask these questions. Normally, I just smile and try to be polite. 

I also don't want to discredit those encouraging, loving comments and support we've gotten. Those far outweigh all the absurd questions. And it's those conversations that need to be happening. Those are the ones we love diving into. The conversations that focus on all that's right with adoption. Showing people that adoption, even across cultures, isn't a strange, foreign (excuse the pun) idea. Instead, it's a picture of our adoption into God's family - no matter our culture, skin color, or country of origin.

Top ten things not to say

I'm at the Catalyst conference today, so I'll be taking a break from storytelling to get a quick post in. 

We knew when we brought home a beautiful Hispanic child into our family of light skinned, blue eyed people, we would have some comments and questions. But I don't think we were ever prepared for some of the absurd things that have come out of often well meaning strangers' (and not-so-strangers') mouths! I know much of it is from lack of education about adoption, but let's all agree to use the amazing brain God gave us to filter what we say.

Here are the top 10 things never to say to an adoptive family.

We have honestly heard all these at some point.

1) Is she yours?

2) Do you keep her?

3) What's she mixed with?

4) What a beautiful Mexican child!

5) Does she speak Spanish? (At 4 months old)

6) Where's her Daddy?

7) She doesn't look like you!

8) How much did she cost?

9) Will you send her back when she's grown?

10) Is it hard to love her as much as your own children?

Snarky - and not-so-snarky answers coming tomorrow.

Day 2 - My Story (part 2)

My last year in college, I lived in a mostly freshman dorm. I didn’t mind, since I wanted a room by myself. That year, I spent a lot of time with freshman girls in my dorm. I was used to the rotating door of girls in and out of my room. There was one that I spent more time with than others, though. Her name was Rachel*. We were friends throughout my senior year, but when I graduated we lost contact.

After graduation I got a job teaching fourth grade about two hours away from home. I moved to a new town, began a new job, and became engaged within six months. Around the end of the school year, I came home to work on wedding plans. My mom sat me down on the living room sofa and handed me a letter. As I read it, my head spun. It was addressed to my parents and was from from my birth mother. Apparently, her daughter had attended the same college and during family weekend, she saw my name on an orchestra program. She wanted to meet me.

Could this be real? I was in shock. Amazed that this was actually happening. Afraid of the next step. As I read the end of the letter, my heart almost stopped. Her daughter? Well, her name was Rachel. My freshman friend who had lived just down the hall was my half sister. My mom cried. I honestly can’t remember what my reaction was. I do remember running to my room, pulling out my yearbook and finding Rachel’s picture. We definitely looked similar - how had I not noticed?

A lot of things happened in the years following, but I’ll spare you the details and skip to our lives today.  I have met my birth mother and half siblings (two sisters and a brother). Everything hasn’t been roses, and we are probably still learning how to navigate these sometimes awkward waters. But knowing my birth mother - well, sometimes I still am in awe of the story God has woven.  Rachel and I are now great friends. Our families are friends. We have vacationed together, celebrated holidays together, and run a 5K together. We didn’t grow up together, but our lives are permanently connected through a wild and twisted life story. Only God could bring us full circle. Today I celebrate. I celebrate the gift of life I was given. I celebrate God’s redemption, His sovereignty, and His promise that He is able to do “immeasurably more” than I can ask or imagine. 

*name changed

Rachel and I after our 5K Color Me Rad race.

Day 1 - My Story

Before I tell of the journey to our little girl, I need to share a bit of my story. It’s a journey all its own that God has intricately woven into a beautiful tapestry.

It was June 1975. A couple stood at their front door anxiously awaiting their new arrival. Their attempts to have children had been wrought with struggle, but this child, birthed by someone they never knew, was the answer to their prayers. This baby girl, born only a few days before, was about to make their dream of being parents come true. That baby girl was me.

I grew up in a Godly home with my parents and younger brother, who was also adopted. I can’t remember ever being told I was adopted - it was just something I always knew. As natural to me as breathing. 

As I got older, I began wondering who my birth family was. Being the introvert and people pleaser that I am, I never expressed these thoughts aloud. I would never have wanted to hurt my parents’ feelings or disappoint them. But the older I got, the more aware I was that there was a part of me that needed answers to questions only the woman who gave birth to me could answer. I didn’t realize that in just a few years, that would become a reality.

Adopting Ellie - 31 Days

Thirty-one. That’s how many days I have to tell my story. Technically, I guess no one is limiting me or judging to see when or if I complete the mission. Which probably isn’t a good thing for this inconsistent blogger. I’ve stopped and started so many times I’ve lost count. I'll be the first to admit I'm not a naturally consistent person. I begin something, and soon I drop it like that computer programming class I thought would be fun my first semester of college. 

But, for the next 31 days, I'm throwing caution to the wind, diving in and going for it.

My title for this series is Adopting Ellie.  I'll share about the journey to our little girl, some reasons we adopted, and why we chose international adoption. I'll talk about how our biological children have been affected and hopefully get them on video to share adoption through their eyes.  

Ready or not, here I go!

Check back here October 1- 31 for a new link each day.

Day 1 - My Story

Day 2 - My Story - part 2

Day 3 - Top Ten

Day 4 - I've Got Answers

Day 5 - Video Link

Day 6 - no post. Oops!

Day 7 - The road to adoption

Day 8 - The process

Day 9 - Visitation

Day 10 - Throwback Thursday

Day 11 - Cleared for travel

Day 12 - no blog

Day 13 - no blog again

Day 14 - I'm busy building an ark

Day 15 - sunshine and hairbows

Day 16 - slumber party in my room

Day 17 - throwback Thursday

Day 18 - no post

Day 19 - no post

Day 20 - no post

Day 21 - Cel-le-brate good times, come on!

Day 22 - Welcome home!

Day 23 - Big Brothers

Day 24 - Good news/bad news

House update!

We knew when we bought our house that there were several things we wanted to do to make it feel like home to us. The previous owner did a great job doing some major upgrades, but we still moved in with a to-do list.

About a week after moving in, I decided to dive into one of the top things on our list - painting what was left of the brown trim and the (wainscoting, paneling, beadboard.... evidently terminology is not my thing) wood on the lower half of the walls. 

Here's what it looked like the day we moved in.

This is standing in the kitchen looking into the living room. The door in the photo separated the two rooms.

Most rooms in our house do not have overhead lighting (nor wiring for overhead lights). This brass wall lamp and its lovely mint green shade was the only source of light in the room.

So I gathered supplies, researched, and got to work.

Only my quick two day project turned into a month-long-when-will-this-ever-end remodel of the living room. I'll post more details later, but I'm so very excited about how it all turned out!

that time I took an unintended 4 month break

Wow. I certainly didn't mean to take a 4 month hiatus from the blog-o-sphere. Some big things have happened since March.  Kyle accepted a position as social media marketing strategist with the International Mission Board (IMB) for the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC). He began his job June 10 and moved to Richmond, VA. God sold our home in Milledgeville in a week and the kids and I were able to move up on July 11. We have been staying in temporary housing and will move into our new house this week.

This morning I set the laptop up and asked the kids one by one to go in and record their thoughts about moving and our 2 weeks here. The results were - well, I'll just let you experience them. Here they are - 3 of the Brogdon children at their creative finest. One child stated he was camera shy and could not talk in front of a camera so he's not represented. Just a few notes:

1) None of this was prompted or staged. The only direction they had was to "talk about moving."

2) Evidently forever = til Thursday.

3) If you can understand what Noah is saying, you have my utmost respect.

4) When did my almost 13 year old start sounding like a grown man?

In which I lament springing forward

When I was a little girl, I didn't really catch on to the whole "time change" thing. I mean, I knew it meant I'd be going to bed while the sun was still up until school was out, and there was something about it that made adults cringe and talk about it for weeks before and after. But, my child-like brain just couldn't wrap itself around the gravity of the situation.

Fast forward 30+ years. I get it. Oh, how I get it. 

Springing forward crept up on me this year. I was going about, waking up to beautiful sunrises at 6:30ish each morning, never realizing it was all about to end.

Sunday came and went without too much trauma.

But then Monday came. And Tuesday. Followed by Wednesday (which I understand is the normal order of things, but emphasis, people. Emphasis.) And the morning darkness has gotten me. My alarm goes off, but there's no reaction. It's still dark outside and my brain is evidently totally against functioning until the sun is up and screaming "Good Morning!"

So the past few mornings have been a blur of "How is it 7 already?" and rushing to get Ellie ready for school and Kyle out the door in 30 minutes. 

On a positive note: if there's ever a contest, say one that involves getting a child out of bed, dressed, hair brushed, shoes on, fed, lunch & backpack together in the shortest amount of time, well, go ahead and sign me up.

TYWSOP Day 4

I spent most of Wednesday in the bed sick.  I've heard of moms whose children would have taken the same opportunity to cook all the meals, clean and sanitize the house, make sure it smelled like roses, and as an added bonus have all the laundry done, folded and put away just so mom wouldn't have to do it.

But here's where my reality kicks in.

Y'all - there were no children rising up and calling me blessed. No one who brought me Gatorade and saltines out of a heart of gratitude for the countless times I've done it for them. Certainly no little people cleaning the house.

In fact, I'm not even sure they realized I was sick. They knew I was here - that was certain. They'd pop their sweet little faces in the door every so often to ask if they could have a snack or if they had to do their math.

As far as they were concerned, it was a free day!

Now, I could wallow in the fact that my kids didnt take on role of substitute mom for the day OR I could choose to be grateful for my fabulous kids who did finish their school work and didn't completely destroy the house. I choose the 2nd choice and I'm so honored I get to wake up to these kids every morning - sick or not!