Yesterday I posted ten things not to say to an adopting family. I had several comments and emails asking if we have honestly heard those questions/statements. The answer is YES! Every single one. Some of them multiple times. Plus a few that I just can't bring myself to add to the list.
Today I'm answering these questions as we take an in depth, serious look at what not to say.
(or maybe not quite so in depth)
(or serious)
1) Is she yours? (or the ever popular - "Are they ALL yours?" suggesting that one of them isn't)
*Nope. I love picking up extra children I find on the streets and bringing them all to the grocery store with me.
2) Do you keep her?
*Yes. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week.
3) What's she mixed with?
*I'm not sure. Jalepeno maybe. She's awfully spicy.
4) What a beautiful Mexican child!
*Please do not assume that because my child looks hispanic she is from Mexico. Although I'm sure Mexico is a fantastic country, there are indeed many more Spanish speaking, Latin American countries in the world.
5) Does she speak Spanish? (At 4 months old)
*Yes. And next week, we'll be working on her Russian.
6) Where's her Daddy?
*I have no clue. If you see him, let me know!
7) She doesn't look like you!
*Really? Because I totally think she has my eyes.
8) How much did she cost?
*I don't even bother with sarcasm on this question. Please never, ever, ever ask this to any adopting parent. Our babies were not bought. Did we pay legal fees associated with the adoption process? Yes, just as you paid hospital & doctor fees to have biological children.
9) Will you send her back when she's grown?
*Nope. She didn't come with return postage.
10) Is it hard to love her as much as your own children?
*Not sure what your definition of "own" is - but in our definition, she's included.
So maybe some of these (ok, most of these) I never actually say when people ask these questions. Normally, I just smile and try to be polite.
I also don't want to discredit those encouraging, loving comments and support we've gotten. Those far outweigh all the absurd questions. And it's those conversations that need to be happening. Those are the ones we love diving into. The conversations that focus on all that's right with adoption. Showing people that adoption, even across cultures, isn't a strange, foreign (excuse the pun) idea. Instead, it's a picture of our adoption into God's family - no matter our culture, skin color, or country of origin.
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