You've got questions. I've got answers.

Yesterday I posted ten things not to say to an adopting family.  I had several comments and emails asking if we have honestly heard those questions/statements. The answer is YES! Every single one. Some of them multiple times. Plus a few that I just can't bring myself to add to the list. 

Today I'm answering these questions as we take an in depth, serious look at what not to say.

(or maybe not quite so in depth)

(or serious)

1) Is she yours? (or the ever popular - "Are they ALL yours?" suggesting that one of them isn't)

*Nope. I love picking up extra children I find on the streets and bringing them all to the grocery store with me. 

2) Do you keep her?

*Yes. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week.

3) What's she mixed with?

*I'm not sure. Jalepeno maybe. She's awfully spicy.

4) What a beautiful Mexican child!

*Please do not assume that because my child looks hispanic she is from Mexico. Although I'm sure Mexico is a fantastic country, there are indeed many more Spanish speaking, Latin American countries in the world.

5) Does she speak Spanish? (At 4 months old)

*Yes. And next week, we'll be working on her Russian.

6) Where's her Daddy?

*I have no clue. If you see him, let me know!

7) She doesn't look like you!

*Really? Because I totally think she has my eyes.

8) How much did she cost?

*I don't even bother with sarcasm on this question. Please never, ever, ever ask this to any adopting parent. Our babies were not bought. Did we pay legal fees associated with the adoption process? Yes, just as you paid hospital & doctor fees to have biological children. 

9) Will you send her back when she's grown?

*Nope. She didn't come with return postage.

10) Is it hard to love her as much as your own children?

*Not sure what your definition of "own" is - but in our definition, she's included.

So maybe some of these (ok, most of these) I never actually say when people ask these questions. Normally, I just smile and try to be polite. 

I also don't want to discredit those encouraging, loving comments and support we've gotten. Those far outweigh all the absurd questions. And it's those conversations that need to be happening. Those are the ones we love diving into. The conversations that focus on all that's right with adoption. Showing people that adoption, even across cultures, isn't a strange, foreign (excuse the pun) idea. Instead, it's a picture of our adoption into God's family - no matter our culture, skin color, or country of origin.

Top ten things not to say

I'm at the Catalyst conference today, so I'll be taking a break from storytelling to get a quick post in. 

We knew when we brought home a beautiful Hispanic child into our family of light skinned, blue eyed people, we would have some comments and questions. But I don't think we were ever prepared for some of the absurd things that have come out of often well meaning strangers' (and not-so-strangers') mouths! I know much of it is from lack of education about adoption, but let's all agree to use the amazing brain God gave us to filter what we say.

Here are the top 10 things never to say to an adoptive family.

We have honestly heard all these at some point.

1) Is she yours?

2) Do you keep her?

3) What's she mixed with?

4) What a beautiful Mexican child!

5) Does she speak Spanish? (At 4 months old)

6) Where's her Daddy?

7) She doesn't look like you!

8) How much did she cost?

9) Will you send her back when she's grown?

10) Is it hard to love her as much as your own children?

Snarky - and not-so-snarky answers coming tomorrow.

Day 2 - My Story (part 2)

My last year in college, I lived in a mostly freshman dorm. I didn’t mind, since I wanted a room by myself. That year, I spent a lot of time with freshman girls in my dorm. I was used to the rotating door of girls in and out of my room. There was one that I spent more time with than others, though. Her name was Rachel*. We were friends throughout my senior year, but when I graduated we lost contact.

After graduation I got a job teaching fourth grade about two hours away from home. I moved to a new town, began a new job, and became engaged within six months. Around the end of the school year, I came home to work on wedding plans. My mom sat me down on the living room sofa and handed me a letter. As I read it, my head spun. It was addressed to my parents and was from from my birth mother. Apparently, her daughter had attended the same college and during family weekend, she saw my name on an orchestra program. She wanted to meet me.

Could this be real? I was in shock. Amazed that this was actually happening. Afraid of the next step. As I read the end of the letter, my heart almost stopped. Her daughter? Well, her name was Rachel. My freshman friend who had lived just down the hall was my half sister. My mom cried. I honestly can’t remember what my reaction was. I do remember running to my room, pulling out my yearbook and finding Rachel’s picture. We definitely looked similar - how had I not noticed?

A lot of things happened in the years following, but I’ll spare you the details and skip to our lives today.  I have met my birth mother and half siblings (two sisters and a brother). Everything hasn’t been roses, and we are probably still learning how to navigate these sometimes awkward waters. But knowing my birth mother - well, sometimes I still am in awe of the story God has woven.  Rachel and I are now great friends. Our families are friends. We have vacationed together, celebrated holidays together, and run a 5K together. We didn’t grow up together, but our lives are permanently connected through a wild and twisted life story. Only God could bring us full circle. Today I celebrate. I celebrate the gift of life I was given. I celebrate God’s redemption, His sovereignty, and His promise that He is able to do “immeasurably more” than I can ask or imagine. 

*name changed

Rachel and I after our 5K Color Me Rad race.

Day 1 - My Story

Before I tell of the journey to our little girl, I need to share a bit of my story. It’s a journey all its own that God has intricately woven into a beautiful tapestry.

It was June 1975. A couple stood at their front door anxiously awaiting their new arrival. Their attempts to have children had been wrought with struggle, but this child, birthed by someone they never knew, was the answer to their prayers. This baby girl, born only a few days before, was about to make their dream of being parents come true. That baby girl was me.

I grew up in a Godly home with my parents and younger brother, who was also adopted. I can’t remember ever being told I was adopted - it was just something I always knew. As natural to me as breathing. 

As I got older, I began wondering who my birth family was. Being the introvert and people pleaser that I am, I never expressed these thoughts aloud. I would never have wanted to hurt my parents’ feelings or disappoint them. But the older I got, the more aware I was that there was a part of me that needed answers to questions only the woman who gave birth to me could answer. I didn’t realize that in just a few years, that would become a reality.

Adopting Ellie - 31 Days

Thirty-one. That’s how many days I have to tell my story. Technically, I guess no one is limiting me or judging to see when or if I complete the mission. Which probably isn’t a good thing for this inconsistent blogger. I’ve stopped and started so many times I’ve lost count. I'll be the first to admit I'm not a naturally consistent person. I begin something, and soon I drop it like that computer programming class I thought would be fun my first semester of college. 

But, for the next 31 days, I'm throwing caution to the wind, diving in and going for it.

My title for this series is Adopting Ellie.  I'll share about the journey to our little girl, some reasons we adopted, and why we chose international adoption. I'll talk about how our biological children have been affected and hopefully get them on video to share adoption through their eyes.  

Ready or not, here I go!

Check back here October 1- 31 for a new link each day.

Day 1 - My Story

Day 2 - My Story - part 2

Day 3 - Top Ten

Day 4 - I've Got Answers

Day 5 - Video Link

Day 6 - no post. Oops!

Day 7 - The road to adoption

Day 8 - The process

Day 9 - Visitation

Day 10 - Throwback Thursday

Day 11 - Cleared for travel

Day 12 - no blog

Day 13 - no blog again

Day 14 - I'm busy building an ark

Day 15 - sunshine and hairbows

Day 16 - slumber party in my room

Day 17 - throwback Thursday

Day 18 - no post

Day 19 - no post

Day 20 - no post

Day 21 - Cel-le-brate good times, come on!

Day 22 - Welcome home!

Day 23 - Big Brothers

Day 24 - Good news/bad news

House update!

We knew when we bought our house that there were several things we wanted to do to make it feel like home to us. The previous owner did a great job doing some major upgrades, but we still moved in with a to-do list.

About a week after moving in, I decided to dive into one of the top things on our list - painting what was left of the brown trim and the (wainscoting, paneling, beadboard.... evidently terminology is not my thing) wood on the lower half of the walls. 

Here's what it looked like the day we moved in.

This is standing in the kitchen looking into the living room. The door in the photo separated the two rooms.

Most rooms in our house do not have overhead lighting (nor wiring for overhead lights). This brass wall lamp and its lovely mint green shade was the only source of light in the room.

So I gathered supplies, researched, and got to work.

Only my quick two day project turned into a month-long-when-will-this-ever-end remodel of the living room. I'll post more details later, but I'm so very excited about how it all turned out!

that time I took an unintended 4 month break

Wow. I certainly didn't mean to take a 4 month hiatus from the blog-o-sphere. Some big things have happened since March.  Kyle accepted a position as social media marketing strategist with the International Mission Board (IMB) for the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC). He began his job June 10 and moved to Richmond, VA. God sold our home in Milledgeville in a week and the kids and I were able to move up on July 11. We have been staying in temporary housing and will move into our new house this week.

This morning I set the laptop up and asked the kids one by one to go in and record their thoughts about moving and our 2 weeks here. The results were - well, I'll just let you experience them. Here they are - 3 of the Brogdon children at their creative finest. One child stated he was camera shy and could not talk in front of a camera so he's not represented. Just a few notes:

1) None of this was prompted or staged. The only direction they had was to "talk about moving."

2) Evidently forever = til Thursday.

3) If you can understand what Noah is saying, you have my utmost respect.

4) When did my almost 13 year old start sounding like a grown man?